pedialite and red bull = repair kit
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
