If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
two words...techno handjob
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
