I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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