went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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