I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
