I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
