Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
