I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
