My nipple is on Facebook.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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