There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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