Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
