You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
