$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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