If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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