One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The uberlube is also flammable
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
