How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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