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Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
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