you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
