tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
