yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
