new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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