Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
