Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just had sex on a roof
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
