So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
