'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I supernannyed him into submission
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