Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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