she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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