allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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