i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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