i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I wish there were birth control emojis
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
