Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
