I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My feet surprised me
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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