i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
