I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
