I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
