You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
