im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
