she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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