The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
