so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
