I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
