Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Randomize
