Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
