yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
