trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
