I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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