you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
