We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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