are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
