tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I wish there were birth control emojis
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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