Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
