You're my little dorito
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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