i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
