he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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