You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
