last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
