Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
