I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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