OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
