i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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