i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
