So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
