Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
