I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
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his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
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I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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