This is not my ceiling
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
