ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
