I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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