I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
