Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
